Vampirism

miercuri, 12 iunie 2013

     I wish you would meet the emotionless me. The person who acts with no fear and no shame. The one who feels no guilt. A "me" with no love for the others. (Can you imagine such a "me"?) That person who feels nothing. Nothing meaning... nothing. I want you to see me not caring about you, about your love, about your wishes.
     It would be the first time for me to stand in front of a crying person, just waiting for her, or him, to stop crying. But, the truth is I am not a vampire. I can not switch off my emotion button. I don't have such a button but I guess I need one. Or maybe I am not allowed to switch off my emotions.
     I think I would make a very bad emotionless person. I have seen straight-face people; straight-face all the time. I supposed they feel nothing but I was wrong. They feel everything. When you don't care or when you act like you don't care, people don't care about you. And it hurts like hell because you know you are fake. And stupid. I tried "the straight-face" and it hurt. Emotion is the thing that keeps us alive. The thing that makes us living people. Maybe even dead people have emotions.
     If I think clearly, I can try to be emotionless for like... one day or, one hour. But I don't think I'll succed. I would like not to be hurt just for once. Everytime I tried to stop caring, I end up crying. If I was emotionless, or a vampire, I would do everything I want without thinking that I might hurt somebody. I would not give a fuck about anyone in this world.
     But that won't be me. I am who I am. I care for every shit. I try to do the right thing. And I always love even if I end up crying the hell out of me.

"Me" has no switch off button. Love me like this or don't love me at all.

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